Comments on: Water weight of this growing abyss http://razarumi.com/2007/11/29/water-weight-of-this-growing-abyss/ Just another WordPress site Mon, 06 Feb 2012 08:58:48 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: temporal http://razarumi.com/2007/11/29/water-weight-of-this-growing-abyss/#comment-3267 temporal Thu, 29 Nov 2007 20:57:50 +0000 http://www.razarumi.com/2007/11/29/water-weight-of-this-growing-abyss/#comment-3267 why is the comment window so narrow raza? khair:) ayesha: how long have you been working on this? while i think i got the over all thrust i feel it needs a little more work nice lines and rich metaphors lacks some segueing (for instance) here: <i>Head sick splattered I am like unused ink searching the blue crow</i> but here is a caveat - am just a small-time poet so what do i know;) why is the comment window so narrow raza?

khair:)

ayesha:

how long have you been working on this?

while i think i got the over all thrust i feel it needs a little more work

nice lines and rich metaphors

lacks some segueing

(for instance) here:

Head sick splattered
I am like unused ink
searching the blue crow

but here is a caveat – am just a small-time poet so what do i know;)

]]> By: Raza http://razarumi.com/2007/11/29/water-weight-of-this-growing-abyss/#comment-3264 Raza Thu, 29 Nov 2007 20:36:55 +0000 http://www.razarumi.com/2007/11/29/water-weight-of-this-growing-abyss/#comment-3264 Mother The clock digests time between soft, blue words As I watch the great moth fade I smile beneath my sheets Blood tulip of your deafening womb nourishes despair I breathe the remains of your dust baked hair A moment renewed with the sound of your voice A sermon told through a rose washed breeze More painful than a butterfly unready to die Mother

The clock digests time
between soft, blue words

As I watch the great moth fade
I smile beneath my sheets

Blood tulip of your deafening womb
nourishes despair

I breathe the remains
of your dust baked hair

A moment renewed
with the sound of your voice

A sermon told
through a rose washed breeze

More painful than a butterfly
unready to die

]]> By: RR http://razarumi.com/2007/11/29/water-weight-of-this-growing-abyss/#comment-3263 RR Thu, 29 Nov 2007 20:33:03 +0000 http://www.razarumi.com/2007/11/29/water-weight-of-this-growing-abyss/#comment-3263 many thanks.. perhaps you could not read the poems as the picture sites are blocked in the not so holy land you live in.. try this: http://www.friendcircles.com/photo/personal/1531/1531181-374063-l.jpg If it doesn't work then I will try and post them there yes I like these lines as well salaam Raza many thanks..
perhaps you could not read the poems as the picture sites are blocked in the not so holy land you live in..

try this:
http://www.friendcircles.com/photo/personal/1531/1531181-374063-l.jpg

If it doesn’t work then I will try and post them there

yes I like these lines as well
salaam
Raza

]]> By: kinkminos http://razarumi.com/2007/11/29/water-weight-of-this-growing-abyss/#comment-3261 kinkminos Thu, 29 Nov 2007 19:41:40 +0000 http://www.razarumi.com/2007/11/29/water-weight-of-this-growing-abyss/#comment-3261 i went to the "two poems with fresh diction" entry, but no motherly love did i find. there also two placeholders for pictures which didn't display (one was a photo on *flickr*, which is entirely blocked in the uae, no doubt so that we perverts won't be further perverted by flickr's perverse perversions). i have fallen in love with the lines: "We live in the shade, you and i the cold white light between us" i went to the “two poems with fresh diction” entry, but no motherly love did i find. there also two placeholders for pictures which didn’t display (one was a photo on *flickr*, which is entirely blocked in the uae, no doubt so that we perverts won’t be further perverted by flickr’s perverse perversions).

i have fallen in love with the lines:

“We live in the shade,
you and i
the cold white light between us”

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