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That yearning moment..(ik lamha tha iztiraab ka..)
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 image credit
Shalimar II
Ik lamha tha iztaraab ka
aur woh ik parat khawab ka
hum mushtaq, be-qarar, bey simt
ubharatay jugnu-on ki ghultee raat kay matalashi
apnay zabt ka imtihan letay rahay
Â
Uss din se bach gaye jo lamhe
Hum ne woh supard-e-shalimar kar diye
ik muskaan nanhay bachay ki
aur chaya jaman se ladday per ki
ik kasnee khawb mein ghul gaya har manzar
Â
poocho aaj kay har warqay se
khojo har khandar ki sadaa ko
chand awazain, chehray chand
shanasaa nazar aye gain
shaam ke haath tham lay agar
tau girtay lamhe sanbhal jaye gain
Here’s a bad translation…
That yearning moment ..
a leaf from an anguished dream
Eager, restive, directionlessÂ
We searched the melting night
Burning with fireflies, and
Kept on testing our limits
The remains of the day
We bequeathed to Shalimar.
A child smiling
And the shades of jaman tree
All visions melted in a purple dream
Turn over the pages of the present
Search within the echo of the ruins
You will find familiar voices and
Intimate countenances
Hold the hands of the evening, my dear
And the sliding moments would freeze
September 7th, 2006 at 5:05 pm
A very lovely poem, so how bad can the translation be? Inshallah, all translations will be this bad
September 8th, 2006 at 7:15 am
Very nice poem it is & i hope translation will not be bad.
September 9th, 2006 at 1:00 am
hum la il’m hain - kiya aapnay likhi hay? aur tarjuma?
khair - here is my minimalist take on the last stanza
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poocho aaj kay har warqay se
khojo har khandar ki sadaa ko
chand awazain, chehray chand
shanasaa nazar aye gain
(feel there should be a break here)
shaam ke haath tham lay agar
tau girtay lamhe sanbhal jaye gain
Turn over the pages of the present
Search within the echo of the ruins
You will find familiar voices and
Intimate countenances
Hold the hands of the evening, my dear
And the sliding moments would freeze
Ask the Present
Probe the Past
Hear cozy echoes
See familiar faces
Wistfully we think
If we do not let go of the evening
We could salvage a few moments
September 9th, 2006 at 5:25 am
Janaab, Aap ki “islaah” bohat umda hai.
Yeh nazm hamari hai aur tarjuma bhe hamara
aapki tanqeed aur tehseen ka taalib…
September 9th, 2006 at 1:43 pm
afterthoughts:)
this:
Wistfully, we mused
If we do not let go of the evening
We could salvage a few moments
reads better like this:
Wistfully we muse
If we had’nt let the evening slip (by)
Could’ve (yet) salvaged a moments few
would give more thoughts to the parentheses…khair…
nice to see another trancreative poet….allah re zoar e qal’m……!
June 14th, 2008 at 8:03 am
The bad translation was really good Raza, and the original was better,